A Tangled Grass 

I have in my hands this little jade stone it has my name carved in its center gifted by Huey Tlahtoani Motecuhzoma Xocoyotzin himself may he rest in peace if peace can receive in death the one who lost everything in life this morning I put on my Castilian cacles but my feet are still calloused from those princess days during my enslaved childhood in my treacherous youth today in the twilight of this afternoon under this orange tree I was the tongue of the one with silver dreams the eyes of his tribe the hands that opened the gap on its paths the bare feet on which his Conquest barely rode and I remember the landscapes of my native land some green plains guarded by a mountain range of dull volcanoes and beyond that a sea that the gods had wept for in times before the time in which they fled and closer to hear the mud cooked by the clay of the Imix Cipactli sky in whose back we float aimlessly I see my dark skin raped by Tabaxcoob in his fearsome orgies I was the jadeite flower from my family’s noble house I touch my small nose like a little black box retains the perfumed echoes of the copal that my mother lit in the Tonantzin temple where she taught me that by caressing the snakes one learns to embroider the huipiles the tilmas and the petticoats I feel what my eyes see inheritances from my father from whom I learned the Chontal language and the Yucatecan the one which that pig Jerónimo de Aguilar babbled and they say that the bizarre Gonzalo Guerrero dominated founder of a new tribe I see in my interior the images of my dead brothers because I have not had any news of them buried they are somewhere in a swamp of Xicalanco or drowned in the green waters of Catemaco I enclose in my mouth my language that was that of Cortés’ the one with the silvery dreams still sings the flowery songs that I learned of those who preceded me still remember the names of the gods that fled I am the author of the New World I am my mother and I am my daughter I am my grandmother and I am my granddaughter my revenge is silence my victory is my defeat my name in barbarian is Malintzin tangled grass crooked grass it was also Tenepal the one who spoke and now I am Doña Marina the Malinche the traitor the bearer of bastards the one who brings fake men into the world I believe in everything because without me nothing would have been I am the goddess from whom the ages are born the numen that burns at the stake the prostituted orphan I am the chingada and the horror the laughter and the dream the gesture and applause I am the obsidian butterfly and the onyx vase cracked by the sword Spanish I contain in my heart the red and black ink I speak the languages of the vanquished and I write in the language of the victorious ones I am the inheritance and the defeat the one wearing the jade skirts and the lady of filed teeth I am the one with the belt of snakes and the necklace of hands knotted between hearts I am the one who sings when she speaks and the one who smiles when she cries I am the one who ties her skirt with a snake of visions and fumaroles the one that emanates from her palms the goods of the men the one that sings the snail to the four corners of the Tlaltipac the one that accompanies the Sun and sucks the tonalli from the orchids I am the one with the good looks interfering and self-assured I am the one with the flute and drum I am Tloque Nahuaque the owner of what is next and what is immediate I am Moyocoyatzin the one who invents herself the one who makes and thinks of herself I am Tonacacíhuatl lady of sustenance I am Ipalnemohuani the giver of life I am Omecíhuatl the one with a mask and two bodies I perceive the secret and the hidden I am the lady of what is near and what is together I am the one with the saya skirt and the dress shirt the one that threshes the petals from the vines I am the singing and the utterance of the mat and the site the one with the ceiba and the ahuehuete I am the loquat and the avocado the one with fatherless sons and sullied daughters the one who killed her executioner I am the one with the telluric vagina and the serpent of fire I am the mesquite and the biznaga the rose of Castile and the Mexican chalchíhuitl I am ya'ax chich tuun the precious jade I am the nanche and the henequen the one with the bells on her ankles and the knot on the arm the one that thunders the drum and the teponaztli I am the prudent and the vigilant I am the one with the reptile eye and jaguar lips I am the morning star and the blind star of the night I am the axolotl and the xoloitzcuintli the one who had her heart taken out and who cried at the baptismal font the one with good speech and the one with the song of the itching I am Ixcuina the one of lust the idolatrous idolater I am the Devil and the mockingbird I am the serpent tree and the fruit I am the arrowed shield and the club that breaks the horse's neck the one who painted monkeys in the tecomate the one who wrote drawing I am the tezontle wall and the most beautiful skull of the tzompantli I am the burning raft of the god who arrived and the ruined temple of the gods that fled I am the passage that runs through the mountains the cave of the ocelot and the wastelands in the prairie I am the eclipse and the star the house of the dawn and the rabbit in the face of the Moon I am the bad winds and the filthy cocoliztli I am the lady of the mermaids and the queen of the nahuals I am Tezcatlanextia the mirror that shows all things I am Yohualli Ehécatl the impalpable night and its invisible wind I am Ix Chel I lull the sea with a star I am Tecolliquenqui the one dressed in black I am Yeztlaquenqui the one dressed in red I am Tlallamánac the one that holds up the Earth I am Tlallichácatl the one covered in cotton I am Citlalinicue the one with the constellated star skirt I am Malinalxóchitl the one with the viper and the scorpion I am the one with bad tricks and abominable sorcery I am the sorceress witch and the Fortune teller I am Coyolxauhqui the one with bells on her face cheeks I am the night and the lagoon I am the turkey and the axolotl I am the toad and the deer I am the bee and the mosquito I am the skinned one dead in life the one who died giving birth I am Tlazolteotl the devourer of filth and the scorched teeth I am Xochiquétzal the one snatched from her home I am Cihuatéotl the Divinized woman I am Cohuatlicue the one of the still waters the one of the calm stream I am Mictecacíhuatl Consort of Death I am Chicomecóhuatl the one who shells xilotes on her skirt I am T'eem the one who shines silent I am Cuerauáperi the one that feeds the earthly gods

yes I am the dust's mud yes I am the shadow of the air yes I am the laughter and the dream and yes I am the nothingness and its everything

I go for my death as for a dream

I see the small jade stone

It is just a stone

a small precious stone

I touch its carved drawing in the center

barbarian hieroglyph of blind mistake

my old name is a tangled grass entwined in some crooked herbs

Malintzin Nepantla spring of 1529