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Lola Rosario
Spanish Behind Closed Doors
I have a memory of my grandmother’s broken English. It sounded like a tongue twisted and trapped in a mouth yearning to be rescued and reminded of the sweet sounds of its youth in the tiny town she once called home. When she said things like ‘we will selle-breight sans-giving soon’ and ‘ju know what I sayin,’ I wanted to whisper in her ear ‘it’s ok, you can speak to me in Spanish, grandma.’ I wanted to ask her what happened and why she insisted on only speaking to me in a foreign language that never loved her - one that by association, never loved me either. Sometimes I tried to imagine why she boarded the plane with my five-year young father and never looked back. I wondered what stories and perhaps, nightmares she left behind in the west side of Borikén. There were so many things I wanted to know - like why I couldn’t call her abuela and why she never spoke of her younger years. I wish I had told her she was safe with me, that she didn’t have to keep her long ago yesterdays hidden, tucked away in a drawer full of sorrow. I wished I had insisted that she share her español behind closed doors - safe with me.
Bio
Lola Rosario is a poet, freelance journalist, and translator from New York City. Her work has appeared in Thin Air Magazine, The Hound, NACLA, TodasPR, Green Left, Latina Media, and Palabra, among others. Daughter de Borikén, her first poetry collection (Editorial Pulpo) comes out summer 2024. Lola lives in the jewel of Loíza.