Jesenia Chávez

When I type Latinx

Mexican

Mexican-dash- American

Latina

Latine

Chicana

Indigenous (is that exploitative?)

American

Mestiza

Ladina

Casta paintings, categories

The lighter you are, 

the purer to holiness, 

to whiteness, 

to being seen as fully human

I am an in between hue. Cafecito clarito

Cafecito con leche de polvo like at the rancho.

Mexicana

I was even called a gringa in Mexico by a young Mexican professional as he sat next to his blonde French girlfriend

“Huerita, huerita”, me decían en el mercado

I feel lost in the words

Disoriented

Displaced

Misplaced 

Corrected/misunderstood

Who owns all the words? 

Can I buy a vowel?

I feel Geography, política, borders and neighborhoods in those words

Trolls hating on the “x” in the comments section, words

Calling it the “alphabet police” words

“Latinx erases indigenous” says another, words

Talks in the multi-cultural center about what we should label ourselves words

Fights, passionate pleas for one word over the other,

Never Hispanic- we shout! words

Young college students, we wondered, we agonized over the terms because we could

Still white on the census words

I can’t find the right label 

One day I feel so Mexican I want to shout it out 

I AM MEXICAN! I AM HERE

 OTHER TIMES I AM SO American! 

I AM! I AM! AMERICA I AM HERE I Want to shout too

It’s a whole continent

I am Latina AF, I have a t-shirt that says this

I am Phenomenally Latina says another shirt

And don’t get me started on my Chingona and Chula shirts

I am proud of my culture

I belong I tell myself

I was born here too, I was raised on your racism and lies

I was raised on idealism and rancheras

I was raised on ingles sin barreras

Without barriers I switch

English and Spanish

And now this poem has turned into language politics

What are the right words?

Someone please tell me

Am I simply Human?

Or should I Stick to Chicana?